Connecting the BIS Community

Dear David: Rain on My Parade

Dr. Grant wants to see how well his responses stack up against those of ChatGPT. Read both results, vote for your favorite, and click “see previous responses” to view the results at the end.

A student wrote:

What are your musings on the recent “wet seat” imbroglio that has ruffled the feathers of the school community? With great consternation, members have lamented about finding the toilet seats bespattered with some form of moisture, suggesting it to be urine. This has led to an unpleasant sensation as their posteriors are dampened upon sitting on said seat or the disagreeable task of having to wipe the seat prior to sitting or to the physically-demanding challenge of maintaining a prolonged squat to avoid contact with the seat. An anonymous ne’er-do-well has thus been accused of violating the sanctity of the well-posted rule of “not wet[ting] the toilet seat with water or anything else” in the commodes across the main building. This is perhaps due to various reasons, such as flushing without noticing the ejected liquid onto the seat by the device itself, vigorously air-drying their hands after a thorough washing, leaving behind liquid cleaning agents during the cleaning process or perhaps allowing some fluid to drip from the toilet brush, squatting over the seat to avoid sitting and producing “splashback” that crests beyond the threshold of the rim, attempting to minimize their ecological footprint by relieving themselves in the dark, and thus failing to see the infraction, falling prey to inclement weather, localized entirely in the facilities, or accidentally spilling beverages onto the toilet seat while enjoying them in the bathroom. Additionally, nervous defecation can cause the production of sweat, which some may neglect to wipe, while others may be attempting to hone their long-range shooting skills for CAS. There may also be those who were never taught to read or act appropriately in a society that considers others or, perhaps, intentionally sabotage the washroom experience of their peers and/or colleagues. In view of the myriad of possible reasons for which the seat may be wetted, what is your suggestion to move forward as a community and put this “wet seat” controversy to rest?

. Dr D.A Grant:

Every toilet cubicle in school has a poster “Basic rules for students and staff using the bathroom”. Rule 5, highlighted in red, says “Do not make the toilet seat wet with water, or anything else” hence the unknown offender is guilty. Given the proximity of the washbasin to the toilet bowl in this location, it is entirely plausible that the offender was vigorously washing their hands and left the cubicle without the merest glance towards the toilet seat, now so clearly demonstrating their guilt. However, ignorance of one’s offence does not provide absolution. Or perhaps, as the toilet sign from another country suggests (below), the offender was performing ablution and was not aware that this is not an appropriate location. However, nothing excuses ignorance of the rule to “not make the toilet seat wet with water, or anything else” and I would advise all readers to maintain this standard throughout their lives for peaceful coexistence. This controversy was reported via the staff WhatsApp group which indicates that the initiator did not experience the terror of an report five years ago of a phantom toilet stander whose offending toilet seat footprints were broadcast to staff via WhatsApp, leading to the Head of Computer Science vomiting into his lunch. The lesson learned is that the staff WhatsApp group is not an appropriate medium for such messages as staff may see messages at delicate times, causing more distress than the original offence. The most amusing outcome from this earlier incident is that further research indicated that the repeat toilet seat stander was not the gardener or other suspected individuals, but one of the fairer members of our teaching community. One should never judge a book by its cover.


It is understandable that the recent “wet seat” imbroglio has caused consternation among members of the school community, as it is an unpleasant experience to have to deal with a wet toilet seat. While it may be difficult to determine the exact cause of the moisture on the seat, there are several measures that can be taken to address the issue. Firstly, it is important to reinforce the school’s existing policy of not wetting the toilet seat with water or anything else, and to remind all members of the school community to adhere to this policy. This can be done through the posting of signs in the bathrooms, as well as through regular announcements during school assemblies or in newsletters. Secondly, it may be helpful to conduct a survey or focus group to gather feedback from students and staff about the issue. This can provide insight into any underlying causes or patterns of behavior that may be contributing to the problem, and can inform the development of targeted interventions.

Possible interventions could include providing additional cleaning supplies or paper towels in the bathrooms to encourage individuals to wipe down the seat after use, or installing toilet seat covers to provide a barrier between the seat and the user. It may also be helpful to educate individuals about the proper use of the toilets, including the importance of flushing properly and avoiding excessive splashing. Finally, it is important to cultivate a culture of respect and consideration among all members of the school community. This includes respecting the shared spaces and facilities, and taking responsibility for one’s actions. By fostering a sense of community and shared responsibility, it is possible to address the “wet seat” controversy and ensure that everyone has a positive and comfortable experience in the school’s bathrooms.

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